


Jealousy, Turning Saints Into The Sea

by fxndom_hoe



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Pendragon Needs Therapy, Arthur Pendragon Needs a Hug (Merlin), Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwaine Flirts (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Jealous Arthur, Jealous Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Panic Attacks, Pansexual Gwaine, Uther Pendragon's A+ Parenting (Merlin), nobody's hurt tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28742688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxndom_hoe/pseuds/fxndom_hoe
Summary: Gwaine is flirtatious by nature. Arthur gets jealous easily. What a fun mix.For Merlin BingoSquare fill: C4 — Arthur/Gwaine
Relationships: Gwaine/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 31
Collections: Merlin Bingo





	Jealousy, Turning Saints Into The Sea

**Author's Note:**

> I really love reading insecure!Arthur fics, so it's really no surprise (to me) that my first work is an insecure!Arthur fic. And it won't be my last :)  
> Also, I'm an American trying to write British characters, so any help in wording/slang/spelling is welcomed and highly appreciated. I did try buy best :)  
> Title is lyrics taken from Mr Brightside by The Killers

Arthur loved Gwaine. He really, really did. How could he not? 

Not only was Gwaine extremely attractive, with his long, flowy hair, beautiful eyes, and amazing body, but he was a great guy. Really. Gwaine had, in Arthur's opinion, one of the best personalities in the world. He was always happy, he cared about how his friends were feeling, and he knew how to make Arthur feel loved. He could recognise when Arthur was in a mood and make him feel better. He was funny, and sweet, and loving, and caring, and down-to-earth, and a good cook, and... Gwaine was just... amazing.

He was the reason Arthur came out to his father. Although he'd been in relationships with men before, Gwaine was the first one he didn't want to keep secret. Well, no, he hadn't wanted to keep any of them a secret, but Gwaine was the only one he couldn't fathom going places without. Couldn't imagine going to family or company events without. He wanted to show Gwaine off, and who wouldn't? So he decided he _had_ to come out, and while his father hadn't taken it well that his son was gay, he hadn't disowned Arthur (not completely), which Arthur saw as a win. Even if his father avoided him as much as possible whenever Gwaine was around. His father still spoke to him, he was still a part of his life.

So, yes, Arthur loved Gwaine. Which was why he wouldn't mention all the flirting. Everyone had their flaws, who was Arthur to point out Gwaine's? And it's not like it bothered him all that much. He knew that Gwaine loved him. And anyway, it's been a year. If Arthur really had a problem with Gwaine's flirting, he should've brought it up earlier. But, really, he didn't have a problem with it. He _didn't._ It was how they'd met, anyway, so how _could_ he have a problem with it? Even if he did flirt with people more attractive than him. But his father raised him right; he knew that complaining didn't get you what you wanted, it sometimes got you the opposite, and he didn't want to lose Gwaine. He _couldn't_ lose Gwaine. It would... destroy him. 

"Why don't you just tell him it bothers you?" Merlin asked from beside him.

"What?" Arthur looked at him.

"You've been staring at Gwaine and that bartender for the last six and a half minutes. Just tell him it bothers you."

It was Friday night, and Arthur, Gwaine, and all their friends were at the pub to wind down after their busy weeks. It was Gwaine's turn to get drinks, so that's what he was doing. Or was _supposed_ to be doing.

"First of all, I'm not bothered," Arthur said. "Second of all, be quiet and watch what you're saying; we're not the only ones at this table."

Fortunately, the others weren't paying attention to the two, instead focusing on their own conversations.

"Arthur..."

"Merlin!" he whispered. "It doesn't bother me, honestly." Arthur smiled. " _Honestly._ I'm confident in my relationship; I'm not worried that anything's going to happen."

Although, that may have been a bit of a lie. Arthur could think of a million reasons why Gwaine would choose some random, beautiful stranger over him.

"I'm not saying I think anything's gonna happen," his friend stated. "I know Gwaine. I know he's loyal, but you look upset. I don't like seeing you upset, and I know Gwaine wouldn't want you to be upset either. You just have to tell him."

"I'm not upset, Merlin."

He really wasn't. Just because he could think of a million reasons _why_ Gwaine would leave him, doesn't mean he _actually_ would. His logical mind knew that. His emotional mind, on the other hand...

He turned back to look for Gwaine, and his smile faded. As the bartender handed Gwaine the tray of drinks, she also slid him a piece of paper. Arthur looked away. He didn't want to see his boyfriend take it. He didn't. He really didn't. 

"He gave her back the paper, in case you were wondering," Merlin said.

"I wasn't," he replied. "I knew he did."

"Really? Because you looked away before he could do anything." 

"Because I knew he would."

"Okay..."

"I did!"

"I believe you!"

* * *

"My place or yours?" Gwaine asked as they left the pub.

"Huh?" Arthur asked, shaken out of thought.

"Where were you?" Gwaine laughed, wrapping his arm around the blond. 

Arthur gave an embarrassed smile. "Sorry, I was just... thinking."

"Yeah, I could tell," his boyfriend laughed, kissing his temple. "Care to share."

Arthur shook his head. "Just work. Let's head back to mine. Feel like sleeping in my own bed tonight."

"Ah, I see. The peasant's bed is too uncomfortable for the princess, eh?"

"No, that's not what I meant!"

How did he misconstrue that?

"No, I get it. My bed is good enough for you. I get it."

He was so confused. How did he offend Gwaine? What did he say? Was he being insensitive about something again? Merlin told him he had to work on that, but he truly didn't believe he did anything wrong this time. 

"I—no, Gwaine, I didn—wha—I mea—I do—"

Gwaine laughed and wrapped himself around Arthur's back, burying his face in his neck and placing a kiss there. "Arthur, I was kidding. How do you still fall for it a year in?"

Arthur shrugged and blushed.

"How much did you have to drink tonight? Usually I'm the one who looks this dumb on a Friday night."

"I'm not drunk," Arthur chuckled, "and I'm not dumb. I'm just lost in my head. Work."

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

"Yes, I'm sure," he said. "I just want to go home and get you into bed."

"Oh, you do, do you?"

Arthur turned his head to look at Gwaine. "Mhmm. Show you a real good time, too."

Gwaine held him tighter, pressed a bruising kiss to his neck, and groaned. "Taxi!" he shouted, making Arthur laugh loudly.

God, how could Arthur doubt for one second that this man was madly in love with him.

* * *

Arthur woke up at an ungodly hour. He didn't know what time it was—he was comfortably laying in Gwaine's arms, his head rested on his chest, and he didn't want to move to check—but he could see the sun just starting to rise through the curtains. Gwaine was still fast asleep, so Arthur took it as an opportunity to admire his boyfriend. Not only did he have a nice face—beautiful hazel eyes currently hidden under eyelids, a scruffy beard that felt oh so good in all the right places, and long hair to frame—but he also had an amazing body. His chest was hard, but soft enough to cuddle, and he had a thin and firm belly—unlike Arthur's, which was soft and pudgy. Not that Arthur had a problem with his body—he took care of it well, even if he wasn't the thinnest—but he had days and even brief moments where he sometimes felt down about himself. Fortunately, since getting together with Gwaine, he hadn't had so many of those days. 

Unfortunately, this morning, he had.

Gwaine was a beautiful man. He really was. He deserved to be with someone just as beautiful as him. Someone, maybe, like that bartender from last night. She was a beautiful sort. Objectively, he could see why Gwaine was attracted to her. She had a thin body with curves in the right places, and from what he could see from where he was sitting, her face wasn't ugly. She was the kind of girl that men would chase after. So why _wouldn't_ Gwaine be attracted to her? And why wouldn't _she_ be attracted to Gwaine, too? They were both beautiful, and Arthur... wasn't. Also, she wasn't averse to Gwaine's flirting. Lots of people loved Gwaine's flirting. He was a charming person. And he's flirted with some very attractive people. And those attractive people seemed to _like_ Gwaine's flirting. So Gwaine really had his pick of the litter. Why wasn't he with someone else?

 _Because he's in bed with_ _you, dumbass_ he thought. He needed to stop having doubts about his relationship. The man he loved was in his bed. What did he have to doubt? If Gwaine wanted to leave him, he would have by now.

Unless he was being polite. Maybe he just didn't want to hurt Arthur's feelings. Or _maybe_ he didn't want to lose the friends he'd made through Arthur. Gwaine and Merlin had become good friends, and Gwen and Lance were quick to accept him. Even Leon and Elyan had become close with him, considering him part of their inner circle, along with Gwaine's best mate, Percy. Maybe Gwaine wanted to keep those friends and thought the only way to do so was to stay in a relationship with Arthur. Or perhaps he was scared of what Morgana would do. Everyone was scared of Angry Morgana. His overprotective sister would probably put a hit out on Gwaine if he ever hurt Arthur. So maybe that's why Gwaine stayed with him: fear.

Whatever the reason was, Arthur was starting to feel suffocated. He had to get out of bed and away from Gwaine before the man realised something was wrong with him. But when he tried to get up, Gwaine's arms tightened around him.

"'S too early," he said without opening his eyes.

"Gwaine, I have to pee." Arthur struggled to keep his voice sounding tired instead of panicked.

Gwaine groaned, but let Arthur go and rolled to his side. 

Arthur sat on the edge of the bathtub and buried his face in his hands. His heart was still racing, and he had to keep reminding himself to breathe. What was going on? His self-doubt had never hit him this hard before. Why was it so strong today? Why couldn't he think of anything else? Why was his mind now filled with questions about his self-doubt? What was going on? What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he calm down? Why were his hands wet? What? Oh no, he was crying. Why was he such a baby? Why couldn't he act like the adult he is? Why was this so bad?

 _Crying is for infants and girls, Arthur_ he heard in the back of his mind. Whose voice was that? _Real men don't cry. Be a real man, Arthur._

Oh, his father. That was his father's voice. That was a memory. He remembered his father telling him that at age ten when he fell off his bike. His father had said that to him. His father always said that to him. Or a variation of that. 

_Be a man, Arthur_ he told himself. _Father would be so disappointed to see you like this. Don't give him another reason to hate_ _you._

He lifted his head to calm himself down, and the first thing his eyes landed on was Gwaine's toothbrush. Yes, Gwaine's toothbrush. Gwaine had a toothbrush at Arthur's flat, along with a drawer of his belongings—clothes, toiletries, stuff like that—as did Arthur at Gwaine's flat. Their relationship was steady. They were good. They must have been. They hardly ever spent a night apart. That wasn't a sign of a failing relationship; it was the sign of a blooming one. So why did Arthur feel so terrible?

When Arthur finally crawled back into bed, he kept his back to Gwaine's and tried to stay as far from him as possible. But Gwaine, on the other hand, rolled over and wrapped his arm around Arthur, pulling him close.

_See, dummy? Good relationship._

* * *

When Arthur awoke again, it was past noon, and he was still in Gwaine's arms. For just a moment, he felt like he was in heaven, before he remembered what he'd been through that morning. He tried to gently remove himself, but Gwaine kept hold of him.

"Was wondering when you'd wake up."

"Mm. Tired," Arthur replied and rolled over to face his boyfriend.

"Hungover's more like it," Gwaine laughed.

"'M not hungover."

"Sure. You had a lot to drink last night."

"Shut up, you drank more than me!"

Gwaine laughed again. "I always drink more than you. You hungry? I'll go make breakfast."

He got up to dress, and Arthur asked, "How long have you been awake? You should've just eaten without me."

"Only about half an hour, don't worry. I'd rather have waited to eat with you anyway, if I'd woken up earlier."

"Pfft, yeah right."

"What? You think I wouldn't have?" Gwaine asked, sarcastically putting a hand to his heart in a faux-offended motion.

"I know you wouldn't have," Arthur said, matter-of-factly.

"And how do you know that?" Gwaine kneeled on the bed over Arthur.

"Because I wouldn't have"—he smirked—"and I'm the nice one in this relationship."

" _You're_ the nice one?"

Arthur laughed and nodded. 

_"You?"_

"Yes!" he laughed again. 

With that, Gwaine swooped down and captured Arthur's lips in a bruising kiss.

* * *

"Do you think that a person is in a good relationship if... they have... _doubts_ whenever the other person isn't around?"

"What kind of doubts are you having?" Merlin answered Arthur's question with his own.

"I'm not having doubts!" He'd tried to sound angry, but he responded too quickly for it to be believable.

Merlin narrowed his eyes at Arthur. They were at Merlin's flat, waiting on their pizza.

"Alright," he said, "then what kind of doubts are _they_ having?"

"I don't know, I can't read people's minds Merlin."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Okay, then _hypothetically_ —you dollophead—what kind of doubts is this person having?"

Arthur shrugged and opened his mouth to answer when the front door opened and Morgana walked in with a box of pizza. "Pizza delivery!"

"When'd you get a new job?" Arthur snorted, grateful for the distraction. 

"Ha ha." His sister rolled her eyes. "I found the delivery boy about to ring, I took the pizza from him. What are you two up to?"

"Nothing."

She squinted at him. Why did he ever try lying to these two? They could always see right through him. He knew why, though. It was because he was raised by Uther to be stone cold and emotionless and to not let anyone in. And these two were not having it. Especially not Morgana, who was raised by the same man and was somehow able to break free of his influence. But then again, he was always harder on Arthur.

"He was just asking me—"

"Merlin!"

"— _hypothetically_ —"

"Ooh, a 'hypothetical' question."

"It is!"

"—if a person's in a good relationship if they're always having doubts."

Morgana scooted close to Arthur and put a hand on his shoulder, a sympathetic look on her face. "Oh, Arthur, why are you having doubts?"

"I'm not!"

"I thought you and Gwaine were happy. What happened?"

"Nothing happened, we _are_ happy, and this is _not_ about me and Gwaine!"

"Did you get into a fight recently? Do you think he doesn't love you because of it?"

"We did not get into a fight!" 

"You know, Merlin and I get into arguments all the time, but we never doubt that we love each other."

"That's because Merlin doesn't flirt with everything that has legs!" Arthur exploded, instantly regretting revealing himself. He rested his face in his hands, suddenly feeling exhausted.

"Arthur, I told you to talk to him," Merlin said. "It's been weeks."

Arthur could feel the tears welling up in his eyes, and he didn't want to continue with the conversation. "It's not just that." He could hear his voice crack, and he knew they could, too, and he hated how weak he sounded.

"Arthur, darling, what is it?"

He just shook his head; he didn't want to talk about it, not anymore.

"Please," Morgana begged.

He forced his tears down and steeled his expression, then lifted his head. He wasn't going to look weak. 

"It's nothing," he insisted. "I have to go now. Thanks for the pizza, Merlin."

He got up to leave, but Merlin pulled him back down. "Arthur, no. We're your friends. Please talk to us."

"Arthur," Morgana said, "do you really believe that Gwaine doesn't love you?"

"No," he said, then shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I just... feel like he could be happier without me. He can do better than me."

"Arthur, you don't really believe that, do you?" Merlin asked. "You know Gwaine loves you."

Arthur shrugged. Then, Morgana got a text and looked up from her phone, regretfully.

"That was Gwen. She and Lance need help with the wedding invitations. Merlin and I need to go."

He could feel his heart stop. If he couldn't talk about this with two of the most important people in his life, then who was he supposed to talk to? He was supposed to talk to someone about his feelings. That was the healthy thing to do, they told him. They told him so themselves. But, oh god, he was annoying them. They didn't want to talk to him about this. Merlin's heard enough complaining from him about Gwaine; he's had enough.

"Morgana, no, he—"

"No, it's fine, go."

"Arthur," Merlin started.

Arthur smiled at him. "Really, I'm fine. I'm just all in my head and being silly. You're right, Gwaine loves me. I'm being silly. Go. I have to go anyway."

Then he left without further ado.

* * *

A few hours later found Arthur meeting Gwaine and some of their mates at a pub. He didn't feel like going, not really. His emotions were really taking a toll on his mental state, and he was exhausted. But he feared that if he didn't go, Gwaine would find someone else. He couldn't have that. He couldn't handle it. He would break if Gwaine left him.

Jeez, when did he start becoming so dependent on someone else. He needed to go to therapy, he really did, he realised. Maybe after Gwaine cheated on him.

_He's not going to cheat on you, you idiot! Why are you so insistent that he's going to cheat on you?_

_Because he deserves better than you, and you know it. You were lucky to have kept him this_ _long, how much longer do you think he's going to stay with the likes of you?_

_SHUT UP!_

Ugh, he needed therapy, Arthur thought as he entered the pub. As soon as he did, though, he wanted to leave. He didn't like what he saw. Gwaine was sitting at a table with Elyan, Leon, Percival, and some guy he'd never seen before. And that guy had his hand on Gwaine's shoulder in what was so obviously a flirtatious nature. And Gwaine was smiling at him with his signature smile, a twinkle in his eyes. Oh god, that twinkle. He remembered twinkle from when they'd first met. He missed that twinkle. He couldn't remember the last time Gwaine looked at him like that. And there he was, looking at another man like that. He couldn't stand to see it.

The man was a handsome man. Really, really handsome. Someone more worth Gwaine's time than Arthur. Hell, if Arthur weren't in a relationship already, he would've tried his chances with the man. Which was why he couldn't stand to see Gwaine flirting with him. He could have gone over to the table and made his presence known, but he knew that if he went, he'd make a scene. He didn't want to make a scene. So he left. It was the only thing he could do.

Unfortunately, as he was turning, Elyan had looked up and made eye contact with Arthur. Arthur knew what this was going to lead to. He really wished it wouldn't, but he knew that Elyan was going to say something to Gwaine. Maybe announce it to the entire table. And lo and behold, not a few seconds later, Gwaine was chasing after him.

"Arthur, where are you going?"

"Home."

Gwaine caught up to him. "Why? You just got here. You didn't even sit down."

"I just want to go home, okay?" Arthur snapped. Gwaine raised his eyebrows. "Just go back inside."

"No, okay, can we just stop walking for a second and talk? Please?"

Arthur slowed to a stop. He didn't want to talk. He didn't. He knew that it would lead to their break up. He knew it would.

"What's wrong?" Gwaine asked. "Why are you upset?"

"I'm not upset," he replied. "Just go back inside, Gwaine."

"Are you really lying to me right now?"

_Heart's racing. Don't let him know. Don't let him know. Hide it. Hide it, now!_

"No." 

"What's wrong with you? Why are you lying to me?"

"There's nothing wrong with me."

_Liar. Everything's wrong with you. Everything._

"Just leave me alone," he said, "and go back inside."

Gwaine gently grabbed his elbow. "No. If there's something wrong, I want to help. Talk to me."

Arthur yanked his arm away. "Don't lie to me, Gwaine. _Don't_ fucking lie to me." 

He tried to get away, but Gwaine chased after him. He was so glad that the streets were empty at the moment. 

"What are you talking about? You're the one who's lying! You're upset, and you're not telling me what's wrong."

"Don't pretend like you fucking care! Don't fucking pretend like you do!"

"What? I _do_ care, Arthur. What's going on?"

"I'm too far into my life to waste it on a dead-end relationship with someone who so obviously doesn't care."

That stunned Gwaine into silence.

_He's surprised you figured it out. He thought he'd be able to play you for longer._

"Arthur, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," Gwaine said with a smile.

 _See, he thinks you're_ _dumb. He thinks this is funny. There's no way this was ever going to last._

"Don't call me dumb! Don't you dare! You are in no place to call me dumb!"

"No, Arthur, I don't mean—"

"I know what you—"

"No, you don't!"

"Don't presume to know what I know!" Arthur shouted. "I know more than you think I do, so stop pretending!"

"Pretending about what? Arthur, you're being ridiculous!"

"No, I'm not! Don't tell me I'm being ridiculous!"

"Well, you are," Gwaine said. "You've started an argument over some misconstrued notion you've got going on in your head!" 

"It's not in my head!"

"It _is_ in your head! Whatever it is, it's _all_ in your head! And you're too _thick_ to realise it!"

"I'm not being thick. I know you don't care about me, I _know_ what you're doing, so _why_ are you still pretending!"

"No, see Arthur, you _are_ being thick! _That_ right there _,_ you're being so stupid right now. Have you been speaking to your father lately?"

"This has _nothing_ to do with my father, Gwaine, and everything to do with you!"

 _You liar. You know part of this is about your father. He's been against your_ _relationship since the beginning._

"No, this has everything to do with your father! Has he said something about me? Told you I'd done something? And you believe him? Without even talking to me first?"

"I told you, this isn't about my father!"

"It's always about your father! Even after he disowned you, you're still letting him control your life, Arthur!"

"He's not controlling my life!"

"He is! He _is_ controlling your life, Arthur, and you don't see it. You can't even see that he _never_ really loved you. And, Jesus, right now, I can really see why."

They both froze at this. Arthur could feel his heart stop. He could feel the dam break that had been holding back his tears, and he couldn't stop the tiny sob from escaping his lips.

 _See? He told you himself that he doesn't_ _love you. You should have left a long time ago._

"Arthur, I didn't—"

"No, I know what you meant," he said. "I'm leaving."

He turned and started walking away.

"Arthur!" Gwaine called after him.

"Don't follow me."

"I didn't mean it, Arthur!"

_Yes, he did._

* * * 

He couldn't believe that Gwaine had said that to him. He _knew_ Gwaine didn't love him; he _knew_ it! He just never thought he'd get actual confirmation of it, though.

Arthur was currently driving in his car, going God knows where. He hadn't stopped crying since Gwaine said what he did. He didn't know where he was going, he just _had_ to go somewhere. Where though? _Oh!_ He'd phone Merlin. He ought to be home by now. He'd help distract Arthur.

Arthur dialled and waited for Merlin to answer.

_Ring._

Merlin would know what to say.

_Ring._

Merlin would know how to make him feel better.

_Ring._

Maybe Morgana would be there, too. They could watch a film.

_Ring._

Why wasn't Merlin answering? What was taking so long?

_He's already seen you once today. He doesn't want to see you again. You're annoying him._

_Hang up the phone. Don't bother Merlin. He doesn't want to see you._

_"Hey, Arthur, I'm a bit busy, so you're on speakerphone right now. We're still at Gwen and Lance's."_

_"Hi, Arthur!"_ Gwen called, tone cheery as ever.

"What are still doing there?" Arthur asked, softly.

_Avoiding you._

_"We're still working on the invitations. They're having a big wedding, you know."_

_It's been hours; they're not still working on invitations. Merlin's just tired of hearing you complain about everything._

_Complaining will make you lose the things you want._ His father's voice. He was right. He complained to Gwaine about the way he'd been acting, and he lost him. And he'd been complaining to Merlin about various things throughout they years, and now he's losing _him,_ too. He didn't have anyone. Not anymore.

_"Arthur, are you okay?"_

He didn't know what to say. What could he say to not lose Merlin, too?

"Arthur, I've taken you off speakerphone and I'm in a separate room from everyone. Our conversation's private now. What's wrong?"

_He doesn't care. Don't bother him. Leave him alone. Why are you still on the phone with him? Hang up!_

Merlin's question was cut off. If he didn't care, then Arthur wasn't going to tell him anything. His phone started ringing again.

 _Merlin._ Decline.

 _Merlin._ Decline.

 _Merlin._ Decline.

 _Morgana._ Oh, great. Decline.

 _Morgana._ Decline.

 _Gwen._ Oh, wonderful. Now they were all getting involved. Just to yell at him, for sure. He's been very annoying lately. Decline.

 _Lance._ Decline.

 _Morgana._ Decline.

 _Lance._ Decline.

_Morgana._

_Lance._

_Morgana._

_Lance._

_Morgana._

_Lance._

Decline on all of them! Why couldn't they leave him alone?

_Gwaine._

Arthur stared at the name, blurry from his tears. What did he want? To make sure Arthur knew how much he hated him?

_Obviously, you idiot. No one loves you. No one would bother calling to tell you they love you. Not you. Don't answer._

_But maybe Gwaine is. Maybe he really is sorry. Answer._

He could hear a car horn blaring and looked up from his phone to see he was driving down the wrong side of the road. Panicking, he swerved too hard to the left and crashed into a lamppost. The airbags deployed immediately. The car he almost hit just drove past him.

Fuck. 

He could see Gwaine attempting to call again. Maybe it was because he wasn't in his right mind, but he answered the phone.

_"Arthur! Thank god! Where are you? Can we talk?"_

"Hi."

_"Are you okay? Where are you?"_

"Yeah."

_"Wh—'Yeah' what?"_

Arthur sniffled a bit."I'm okay."

_"I—Arthur, you sound dazed. What happened?"_

"I crashed my car."

 _"Are you okay?"_ Gwaine actually sounded concerned. _"Do you need an ambulance?"_

"I'm fine. I don't think my car is, though."

_"Are you sure?"_

"Yes, I'm fine."

 _"Where are you? I'll call for a tow and pick_ _you up."_

Arthur didn't want Gwaine to pick him up. He didn't want to talk to him. He was still too upset, and he was pretty sure Gwaine broke up with him. That's what "I don't love you" means, right?

_"Arthur, please?"_

He _really_ didn't want to, but he knew he probably should. He didn't want to wait for a taxi or an Uber in the dark all alone. He gave Gwaine his address, and he told him he'd be there soon. Now all he had to do was sit there and wait for either Gwaine or the tow truck to arrive. 

Ten minutes later, Gwaine's car pulled up behind him. He ran up to Arthur's car and knocked on the window for him to open it. Arthur complied.

"Are you okay?"

Arthur nodded, emotionless.

"Can you get out of the car, please?"

"Why?"

"Arthur"—he didn't know what to say—"y-you crashed into a lamppost. It's fallen over your car, and your windscreen is shattered. There's glass everywhere. Please, get out of the car."

He listened and got out of the car, examining the damage with a quick glance.

"Shit," he said. "I have to call the police."

Gwaine nodded in agreement and rubbed his back. Arthur flinched away from his touch.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Just my chest a bit from the airbag," Arthur answered as he pulled out his mobile. "Shh."

A sad look formed on Gwaine's face as he said, "You don't want me to touch you?" and Arthur looked away as he shushed him again.

He finished the phone call, and Gwaine begged to talk again.

"I don't want to talk to you."

Which was a lie. He always wanted to talk to Gwaine, always wanted to be with Gwaine—which was why he was kind of glad that he'd shown up, also because he wasn't in the right mental state to deal with the wreck at the moment—but Gwaine hurt him. Broke his heart, it felt like. He couldn't let himself be vulnerable with him. He was kind of afraid of it.

"Arthur, please," Gwaine begged.

"No, Gwaine, because you were right, weren't you? I'm so unlovable that my own father doesn't love me. How could I expect anyone else to love me? Not you, not Merlin, not Morgana, not anyone. It was silly of me to think anyone could."

"Arthur... you're not being sarcastic. You actually believe that? Arthur, I love you! You know Merlin called me in a panic because of some weird phone conversation you had with him? Said Morgana was freaking out because you weren't answering your phone, and Gwen was near tears because they thought you were going to do something stupid! They're all worried sick about you, which they should be! You crashed your fucking car!"

"Not on purpose!" Arthur defended. "It was an accident! I was distracted by everyone calling me!"

"Because they were worried you were going to kill yourself! You can't expect to just make a cryptic phone call like you did and not have anyone worry about you. Look, Arthur, I'm sorry for what I said earlier about your father. I was angry, and it just came out. I know that's not an excuse; I should never say shit like that, even when I am angry, but I need you to know that I love you. And Morgana loves you, and Merlin loves you, and Gwen, and Lance, and the whole lot of them. We all love you, okay?" Arthur had his eyes squeezed shut, tears rolling down his cheeks. Gwaine wiped them away. "Hey? Okay?"

Arthur couldn't stand to hear this. It hurt—well, not hurt. That wasn't the right word. It made him feel guilty to hear it because he knew in his heart of hearts that it was true, but he let his insecurity get the best of him, and it caused a panic among the people he cared about. He nodded in response to Gwaine.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed.

Gwaine wrapped him up in his arms. "Hey, it's okay. You're okay. I love you."

In the distance, the men could hear sirens headed their way. In just a couple minutes, there were police and EMTs at the scene. And a few minutes after that, the tow truck Gwaine called for. The EMTs ushered Arthur to the back of the ambulance to check for injuries. He was fine, fortunately, like he said. Then the police asked him a few questions, and he got fined for the damage. The tow truck was given the okay by the police to take his car away, and Arthur was given the okay by the EMTs to leave, with instruction that he take it easy for the next few days due to light bruising on his chest.

Arthur and Gwaine buckled up in Gwaine's car, and he turned them around to head back to Arthur's flat. He glanced at Arthur.

"You know," he said, "Merlin told me why he thought you were upset with me."

"What?"

"When he phoned me, he had a feeling we'd gotten into a fight, and when he asked what happened, I didn't know what to tell him because _I_ didn't know what happened. Then he told me why you might've been upset." Arthur stared out the window, unable to make eye contact with him. "I never realised I was flirting with anyone, honest. I thought I was just being friendly with people. And the times I noticed that they were flirting with me, I shut them down immediately. Or, at least, I tried. Why didn't you tell me that it bothered you?"

He leaned his head against the cool window and tried, unsuccessfully, to hold back the tears welling back up in his eyes. "I didn't want you to leave me for being paranoid."

"Arthur, that's never going to happen," Gwaine reassured, holding his hand out for Arthur to take, which he did. "I mean, where else am I going to find a hot blond with a big heart and a soft bed?"

"Really?" Arthur giggled. "That's all I have to offer: a soft bed?"

"Well, no, I said big heart, too. Oh! And a nice arse. And you love to bottom, top quality right there." 

Laughing, Arthur tried to pull his hand away, but Gwaine held it tighter and pressed it to his lips, laughing against it.

"I think you mean bottom quality."

"HA!"

* * *

Gwaine crawled into bed that night after disposing of his condom, pressing a kiss into the crook of Arthur's neck. Then he peppered kisses down his shoulder.

"God, you're amazing."

Arthur smiled. "You mean my arse is amazing?"

"Well, obviously, but you're okay, too."

They both chuckled. Then, Arthur fell serious as he contemplated what he was going to say. Or rather, _if_ he was going to say it. He turned to look Gwaine in the eye. Gwaine's expression fell, too.

"Do you wanna move in with me?"

Gwaine's eyes crinkled into a smile. "Yes." He pulled Arthur into a passionate kiss. "Fuck yes."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Princess."

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where most of this came from.  
> Also, this took me like a week to write, so I really don't feel like editing it. Hope you guys like it the way it is.


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